Failure to Society

Hi, I'm Libby, and I'm a failure (according to society).

• I'm in my mid thirties.
• I don't have kids. 
• I quit a 'good' profession.
• I choose health over money.
• I rarely listen to what I 'should' be doing and I question everything.

And I am SO happy about it!

When growing up, the message from wider society was clear - work hard and you'll get far. Keep your head down, do well at school, don't get into trouble, go to uni, get a good job that's secure and steady, you'll be able to buy that house, build that family and live happily ever after. It seems simple doesn't it, do these things and you'll be happy - but humans aren't simple creatures, and we won't all be happy with the same things.

We don't have the same wants and desires, we are complete individuals and that is what makes each one of us amazing! We have our own strengths, weaknesses, preferences, challenges. We experience things in our individual way, and we have individual experiences. 

Apart from the fact that these differences is what make us all absolutely bloody awesome, from a boring societal view we're not meant to be the same. As a society, we need people who are good at different things, who have different ideas and different ways of looking at the world. This is how we come up with new inventions, advances in medicine and technology, learn, build a better way of life, and create amazing things. It is crazy, to me at least, that embracing the things that make us different to one another, fully individual, isn't encouraged more in society.

Now, I am so happy I'm a failure according to society. It took me 30 years to get to this way of thinking, but after all that time of trying to fit in, trying to do the right thing, trying to do what people expected of me, this is like a breath of fresh air. 

So...

I don't have kids. I don't really want them, but it would also cause me a lot of pain, medical appointments and interventions to be able to have them... I'm good without. I love my life, I don't feel like I'm missing anything, and I'm really happily childless.

After paying thousands to train, achieving my masters degree and working really hard for 9 years, I quit my 'good' career in teaching. It became a toxic place for me, somewhere that no longer aligned with my values and I was in a constant battle. So I went my own way and now I'm doing work where I see more value and more importance than ever.

I don't make as much money as I did with my Head of Art job, but when I got diagnosed with a disability, it was clear the career I'd poured so much into wasn't going to support me back. So I may not have as much money. But I'm happier, I'm healthier, I'm feeling more myself than ever before and I couldn't and wouldn't go back for any amount of money.

These 'failures' aren't failures. They're us, taking our own life in our hands, ignoring the nay-sayers, the ignorant expectations and those misguided 'shoulds'. There is no right way to live a life, so there's no wrong way either (however much some people might want you to think that). 

We are made to be different, individual, original, extraordinary. We are meant to be gloriously, amazingly ourselves. 

So if you're every having one of those days when you're doubting yourself, when you're feeling the eyes on you and starting to wonder whether you 'should' be toning it down, falling in line, keeping your head down... Just know that you are awesome being you. Completely, outrageously, unapologetically you. And whilst you may not know it, there are people out there watching you, admiring you, thinking how awesome you are. There will be people looking up to your attitude to life, wishing they could have that courage to be free and live how they want to. 

So keep being you. Keep being awesome. When there is so much noise telling you what to like, what to wear, what to watch, what to do, we just need to listen to ourselves and lean into the things that make you truly, gloriously you.

Here's to being a failure (according to society)! I wouldn't want it any other way.

By Libby Witney